


Too Drunk to Fuck

by MorganeUK



Series: Songs title as inspiration... [24]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Drunk Sherlock, Drunk Texting, Established Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Greg Lestrade & John Watson Friendship, Greg Lestrade & Sherlock Holmes Friendship, John Watson is a Saint, M/M, Not Beta Read, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2018-05-04
Packaged: 2019-05-01 21:23:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14529468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganeUK/pseuds/MorganeUK
Summary: Sherlock is in a pub with Greg...





	Too Drunk to Fuck

>  I am loving you so so much SH
> 
> _I know love, are you still with Greg?_
> 
> Grig? SH
> 
> _It's beginning to be ridiculous you know. G. R. E. G. Greg._
> 
> (...) 
> 
> Yiss, the man is here. I screem Griiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeg and few people turn. SH
> 
> So if it is one of them I am still with a Grieg.  SH
> 
> Grrg. SH
> 
> GREG. SH
> 
> _Is any of them looking at you with a big smile and grey hair?_
> 
> YES! You arre so beautifolly brilllwant my JOne. You know things all the things that I don't. SH
> 
> I dont know evrithing. but dont tell Andirson, itws a secrwet. SH
> 
> Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhut. SH
> 
> and i am needing to do filthy things to your body. SH
> 
> _That's sweet honey, me too. Could you please give your phone to the grey-haired Greg?_
> 
> Wy? I duno want to lose my ohone. SH
> 
> Mycoft said that I must go upto the end of the year with thez one. SH
> 
> My brother is cheep. SH
> 
> _Sherlock?_
> 
> Yess my beeloved. SH
> 
> _The phone, to THE Greg. Please._
> 
> (...)
> 
> Hello John. SH
> 
> _WTF did you give him Greg! You know he's not good with alcohol!_
> 
> He only took few drinks, I swear! Probably exacerbated by the lack of sleep and food. SH
> 
> But it's kind of cute. SH
> 
> This is so strange, how he always put SH at the end of his text. SH
> 
> That's. SH
> 
> Weird. SH
> 
> _I don't know... he always configurated his phone like that. Could you please put him in a cab?_
> 
> Yes. Don't worry. I'm giving him back the phone. SH
> 
> (...)
> 
> Luv the man wantt to put me in a cab. SH
> 
> I dunt wanna go away I want to go home. SH
> 
> _Go in the cab darling, I will wait for you at home where you're going to do anything that you want to me._
> 
> Ok then I will go in the cab. SH
> 
> (...)
> 
> I ask the cabbie he says hes not a serial killer. SH
> 
> _You are really careful love. That's good._
> 
> Yes. SH
> 
> I am. SH
> 
> _Darling, why do you always put SH at the end of your text?_
> 
> Oh... becauze that way people know its me. SH
> 
> This is a stupid but lovelly question. SH
> 
> I love your stupidiness. SH
> 
> My silly Jon SH
> 
> _Darling. People have your name in their address book. So they KNOW it's you anyway._
> 
> But... why. SH
> 
> _Why they keep you in their address book? Because you're important for them you ridiculous man._
> 
> _I even have a picture of your lovely sexy mouth that pop on my screen each time you text or call._
> 
> A pictuure? SH 
> 
> _Yep. That's driving all the women at work crazy and all swoony-ish everytime you text._
> 
> A picture? Of me? SH
> 
> _Yes, I've changed it regularly with my new favourite._
> 
> _Greg Lestrade has one of you on a crime scene._
> 
> _Mrs. Hudson alert is you playing your violin._
> 
> _Anderson is keeping one of the time when you slide in the mud in that Hyde Park case._
> 
> _Molly got one of your eyes._
> 
> _You are important love. Now come home to me, the bed is waiting._
> 
> I'm near. SH
> 
> _I'm going down to help you love doesn't want you to broke your lovely neck in the stairs._

 

John paid the cabbie and quickly but carefully helps Sherlock to get out. "Hello lovely. It was fun?"

"Too much GregS and you weren't there..." Sherlock mutters, pouting.

With an affectionate laugh, John manages to get Sherlock in the flat without missing any steps. "Now, bed!"

"Jhooon..." The detective murmurs, sorry, "I think I am too drunk to show you how big and deep... Deeply... I love you." Chuckling like a teenager he repeats "Deep... You know like... Deeeeeeeeep." 

"Yeahhhhh.... I know what you mean." He laughs softly. "It's not _that_ subtle, even an idiot like me can get it darling. Sleep now love."  _God, he's ridiculously cute._  Taking his phone, he rapidly took a picture of his drunken angel.  _This one... it's just for me._

**Author's Note:**

> Inspiration: Too Drunk to Fuck / Dead Kennedys


End file.
